I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize