Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Operation Purity has been aborted
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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