I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
