My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
