girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize