Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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