eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
