I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
