I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
