yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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