so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
