i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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