...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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