it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
