Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
