I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize