who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
