it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
