I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
