I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The Olympian is in my bed
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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