you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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