after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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