I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
