it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
he thought i was a dude.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I have tasted many bathrooms
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
