i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
