i need an iv and a liver transplant
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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