I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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