who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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