Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize