He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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