i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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