At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
