Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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