I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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