dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
