Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
So squirting runs in the family.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
