Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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