just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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