Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
