i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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