I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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