then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
