it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
