I'm drive I can fine osifer
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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