trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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