I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
