so explain again why im purple
no
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
