I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
