Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
