I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
