everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
