you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
