when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
