Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
