Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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