I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
