We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
it's like iHOP with fire
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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