when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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