fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
