don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
