Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
