Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
you win again, gameday.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
