I hate all girls vehemently.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
