My girlfriend figured out who you are.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
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