i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Randomize
